Unitarian Jihad

I read it at the time; I enjoyed it; but y'know, I really didn't think many people would find it humorous. But now that it has become an e-mail forward... well, I was wrong. And besides, Jon Carroll is a marvelous writer, and anything that gets him more exposure is Good.

[...] Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues. [...] We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons. [...]

And I think that the American public would have an even tougher time handling non-ideologues carefully thinking through issues than they have with humor columns suggesting this particular fantasy scenario.